Being cared for

There’s a quiet hierarchy in the world that we tend to absorb.

Physical pain sits at the top.

Broken bones? A divorce? Hospital visits? Those are Visible. Valid. Undeniable.

But the slow, grinding pain of not feeling fully welcome…

of having to perform to belong…

of shrinking yourself or pretending to keep connection…

of wondering if you might just be a bad person…

Or a zillion other unseen reasons

These get ranked lower. Easier to dismiss. Easier to hide.

And over time, it becomes easy to dismiss yourself.

Until one day, you find yourself deeply alone, in real pain, unable to function as you once did, feeling broken and unsure if it's even safe to name it.

Because no one can see the fracture, the expectation becomes:

Stand up and walk.

If you’ve felt this kind of pain, you know how absurd that is.

________

Years ago, when I was living in Spain, I went through one of my first real depressions.

The kind where you stay in bed for days in the dark.

Heavy. Flat. Stuck.

I didn’t want to call anyone I knew. I didn’t want to burden anyone or be that vulnerable. Not the healthiest belief, but the one occurring. Plus, a phone call wasn't going to cut it.

One day, my craving to be cared for peaked. I went out and purposely sat in a semi public place and cried.

Not hard, but not shyly either.

Not but 10 minutes in, a woman of my own heart approached. I don’t remember her exact words, but it was gentle.

Something like:

“Are you okay?”

“Can I sit here?”

“Would it help if I put my arm around you?”

And I just nodded. And cried.

Yes. Please.

She sat with me for a good while, her arm around me, comforting me with arms and energy.

No fixing.

No interrogation.

No agenda.

Just quiet care.

It was incredibly relieving. I absolutely felt better after. Not healed of course, but better.

Sometimes what hurts most isn’t that life is painful.

It’s when it feels like there’s nowhere to go with the pain without needing to perform or pretend or conform.

_____

My goals with Oxytocin Bathing is to create a place and where you don’t need to be upbeat or hold it together or be quiet or make sense.

You can come as you are.

And be met there.

______

Sending you a big bear hug!

-Becky